Last October, I posted Pt. 1 of this blog.
Last night after an explosive argument between myself and the maternal parental unit, it has prompted part 2. She needed a serious reality check which I gave her last night. Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't disrespect her in any way. I simply made my point in the calmest and most civil way I could despite the extreme to which she pissed me off. Even after I said what I had to say and proceeded to ignore her, she continue to rants and raves about whatever was peeving her at that moment.
For those who think that there can be some sort of reconciliation between me and her, will need to say extra prayers because despite the fact that she is my mother, that is going to be very difficult for me to do. I have endured many years of judgment, lies, deceit, insensitivity, hypocrisy blah blah blah ... I have really had enough of it.
My mother is one of those persons who has the "Something is wrong with everyone else" syndrome and clearly does no sort of introspection to see if maybe, just maybe, something is wrong with her. If she can't see that, then I am through trying to get her to see the error of her ways. I am not a perfect daughter and I'm sure this must be a disappointment to her seeing that there are no other siblings to redeem her dream of whatever it is she had for me. However, I am an individual and I will not try to live the life that she has envisioned for me. It's too late to be the doctor or lawyer or whatever it is she wanted me to be. It is very sad that she can't be happy for me when I'm so happy (except for those times when she pushes me over the edge). There are so many things that has happened with her that I've tried to look past ... but she always manages to do something to take me right back to where I was when there was nothing but hostility inside me for her.
I know this sounds very sad and I've thought about this so many times. Am I a bad person for feeling this way about her? This is now past teenage rebellion where you thought your mother was the worst person in the world. These are real issues that I have been able to put into perspective as an adult. I really don't want it to be that one of us is no longer here and we have to live with the fact that we didn't have a relationship. I hope ... still hope .... that there is a reconciliation somewhere in the future before it is too late.
And .... in honour of the paternal parental unit, I will have to do a blog about my father ... can't believe this was never done given the wonder of our interaction!!
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6 comments:
Wow...Deep stuff. But you are not alone out there. I too have had my moments with my mother. They seem that because they are our parents, that we should be children forever and don't have the right to live our own lives. Sometimes it takes the heated discussions, arguments and disagreements to get the point across.
I had mine with my mom quite a few times, as I've gotten older, she's finally calmed down and now we have a decent relationship. It probably helps also that we live in different countries on different continents and when we are in the same country, we are in different states. No I just was passing by and decide to stop in unannounced. All visits are throughly planned.
However, I have two close friends who have completly broken ties with their mothers. I mean completely and I don't see reconcilation in the near furute. They have tried several times, but things never work out. Maybe there is hope for you and your mom, but until then continue to pray and use the seperation as a time of reflection and not of guilt or why me. Just my 2 cents.
Thanks Campfyah. Believe me, I think I've tried and tried to make things work but the damage has already been done and each time I try and think some progress is made, she does something else to just take me back to where I was. So I can't say now that there is no hope for reconciliation since I don't know what the future holds but .. it looks very very dim right now.
Hi CD, I can't say that I know what it is like. It must be painful though. I have a very good friend whose mom left her to fend for her brothers and herself at age 13. Now at age 23 she has no problem telling you that she hates her mother. I've talked with her and I as well as others have coaxed her to a point of civility when it comes to her mother. The damage is done and I really don't hold much hope for any meaningful relationship.
My charge to her and to you is to not let the relationship end with regret that you didn't try to make a go at it. NOt that it will happen but at least you tried. The "if only..." is worse than the "I tried but..." Keep trying for as long as you can.
Ah wouldn't drive mi-self nuts over it, CoolDestiny. As long as yu know yu tried your best, then take comfort in knowin' that yu coulda done no better--except to over-extend yu-self tryin' to do better than yu best, an' endin' up injured as a result. Maybe some input or mediation from a trusted neutral party could help; then again maybe only God himself can help.
I guess it never worked out for the better, huh? Sorry...
Don't worry black nightshade. I'm working on rectifying the situation as we speak. And Mad Bull ... It will work out for the better!! Patience is a Virtue remember ...
Thanks for the support guys.
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