The Raffle

After not having much to really share in the blogosphere these last few days, I had told myself I wouldn't post anything until I had something meaningful to share. Then I got this joke today and just know that the Mad Bull and Dr. D would thoroughly enjoy it ... so this one is for you guys!

A man from Kingston moved to the country and bought
a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer
agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
 
The next day, the farmer drove up and said,
"Sorry, but me have some bad news... "The donkey dead."

"Wha'?" "Well den, just gi me back mi money."

"Can't do that. Mi spen dat already."

"OK, then. Just leave the donkey with me."
  
"What you a go do wid him?"

"Me a go raffle dat."

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Yeah man, watch me. Mi just nah tell nobody seh 'im  dead."

A month later the farmer met up with the Kingston man and asked,

"What happen wid dat dead donkey?"

"Dat get raffle off boss. Mi sell 500 ticket fi $2 apiece and mek a profit
of $998."

"Suh nobaddy nuh cuss?"

"Ongle di man whey win. So me gi im back im $2"

Company Policy: Effective from January 2006

VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

Dress Code:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you
are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that
you can buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's notes as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Annual Leave Days:
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the
arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary,
the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a Strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's
mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company..
We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Regards
Management

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone??

Lots of "Cool" for CD

Well, this has been one of my best weeks ever and I'm loving every minute of it and staying focused on the positive side that it will continue. One thing for sure that has me smiling is the cold front that is now over Jamaica. The only problem is that the BF is all the way in Montego Bay working while I'm at home pining over him, missing him like crazy and wishing I was there or he was here . But, I'll have to make do with my teddy bear that he gave to me, my favourite comforter to keep me warm.

Oh ... and it's Friday too! Have a great weekend everyone.

What is the Key To My Heart?

Stolen from Peter. The last 2 paragraphs ... definitely not me at all.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Authorized Dealer

I don't recall if I had mentioned that my car (which used to be my father's) was parked and got him by an idiot trying to catch his cell phone to answer it before it fell off the dashboard. Car was taken in to the dealer on 12/10/05 and we didn't get it back until somewhere about the 19/12/05. Upon getting back the car, a few problems were identified and the car returned to them on the following week Monday for them to check and fix (at their expense of course after I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I would not be paying). I had noticed a problem with the car and mentioned it to them at that time and they said when I took the car in for them to fit a part they did not have in stock, they would check it out.

Ok, 16/1/06, take the car in to the dealer for them to fit the previously absent part, explain the problem, leave my car to be checked, agent promised to call me by 2:00 p.m. to let me know what is happening. 3:25 p.m. - no call. I call and speak to the service manager, he tells me a bunch of crap (which turned out to be a lie) and that he would call me back. I in turn call my service agent who told me the problems identified and that one of the part was over J$100,000 (approx US$1,500) along with 5 other problems.

The long and short of the story is that these new problems (except 1) was as a result of the accident on 12/10 which they had the car in their possession for 9 weeks and did not detect this problem, hence resulting in them now having to send off a supplementary estimate to the Insurance Company to cover these additional damages. The dealer ... the authorized dealer. I managed to get this done without telling them a few choice words and several fabrics aka claat!

So, my car is still with them although the car is "drivable", they asked me if I wanted it to drive now since they have to order the parts and it will take 2 weeks ... I told them no thank you lest they tell me when I bring it back in that I damaged something. They even offered us a car to drive which we declined since we still kept my old Civic.

That's dealers for you ... nothing special about them, only the cost.

More time.

I'm A Survivor

As you can see, I have not had a chance to post since I've gone back to work as predicted. I'm very pooped and glad that the weekend is here! I have a lot to write about, lots of crap happened this week which I will be sharing with you in the blogosphere.

This is just a quick note to let you know I'm still around, haven't forgotten you and have actually sneaked in a read or 2 on some of your blogs in those moments when I felt like I was going to break something at work. You helped me to survive.

Later dudes and dudettes.

It's All Over :-(

Well, it's back to work for CoolDestiny. After a much enjoyful, restful vacation, I must go back to doing my job. This will mean I won't have as much time on my hands as I did these last 4 weeks,
and as such, may not check your blogs till on the weekends. However, if I can manage to steal
some time at work to sneak in a blog fix :-), I most definitely will and also when I get home from work if I'm not totally pooped out.

You have all been great company though during my rest time and for that I say kudos to you!!

Peace Out.

Hypocrisy and the Church

Yesterday while at the Hairdresser, they were talking about a friend of theirs whose wife died and they had no ends of problems trying to find a church to have the funeral. They went on to tell me that they had approached the church I became a member of and used to attend for about 15 years, who denied them having the funeral there because the woman was a Informal Commercial Importer (ICI) or what we commonly call "higgler" in Jamaica. They thought that because of the person she was when she was alive, it would not be in the best interest of the I don't know what of the church, but they would not be able to accomodate a woman who lived in the same community where the church is situated because the patrons would smoke, drink, curse, etc. on the church compound.

IMHO, the church is there as a community service to its members and the community in which it is located. I find such demonstration of hypocrisy absolutely wrong. It goes against basic christian principles to deny those you think to be "unfit" of utilizing a community service. What they have in essence done is decided that this person is not worthy of a spiritual burial in their place of worship because of the life the person led while they were alive. Does the church have the right to decide that? Is this not the church "judging" an individual? Christianity should be about embracing non-christians. Jesus himself said in the bible that he comes not to save the righteous, but the sinners. The epitomy of Christian behaviour was demonstrated by Jesus through the people with whom he interacted while he was on earth. The "low lifes" of society were the persons he would be seen with and criticized heavily for. The modern day church is now turning its back on the example set by "the big man".

It is because of several hypocricies I witnessed and eventually became the victim of why my desire to be a part of that church community became non-existent. I know that I shouldn't let the behaviours of others prevent me from participating in the fellowship which is also very important. However, I refuse to become caught up in the double standard that I see in every church. I am content in my one-on-one interaction with God and in smaller groups of which I am a part. And then the church wonders why people do not readily come to be a part of the happy life they preach about. Until they realize that what will draw people to them is the way in which they live their lives, the Christian fellowship they share with every single individual they come in contact with, and not the acts of shun, judgement, condemnation and condescension (I acutally searched dictionary.com to see if this was spelt right ... and it was!) that they so frequently demonstrate.

The Trinity

No, this is not a religious post, it's not a post about Sean Paul's album, neither is it about Neo's girlfriend from the matrix. It is actually about an article in the Jamaican Star sometime last week, Tuesday I think, "The Trinity of Jamaican Women". The article sought to classify the 3 different types of women in the Jamaican Society: The Idealist, The Virtuous and The Skettel.

I found the article a bit interesting and started to do a calculation in my pretty little head about how these classifications are proportioned across our female population. What I also found interesting is the slight similarity between this article and some other commentaries which I posted about in Full Control., but I digress. When we look at the women in inner city communities, aka ghetto, you are more likely to find the "skettel" type woman, who has 5 children with 7 different fathers, is not working but manages to wear the latest fashion trends, sports the most blinging jewellery. As the article said, there may be an overlapping of the 3 types of women.

It made for some interesting reading and I would love to see a similar article done in honour of the men!

OYIF

My ever desperate desire to be different has inspired the title of this post ... OYIF -- "Oh Yeah, It's Friday!!!" Today is the official last day of my vacation and I return to work on Monday ... ugh! So, since I have nothing real to post about today, here is a smiley for you. It's an oldie but goodie so enjoy.

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW."

HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
"FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO".

FINE,

THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
"WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
"FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO".

FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.

"I'M NOT A DAMM CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS".
HE SAYS, "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!"

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS....................................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

"HONEY", HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?"

SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE".

THE HUSBAND SAID, "SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?"

SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO....DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!"

Have a great Friday everyone!!!

Even Naughtier Wednesday

Someone sent me this picture yesterday. Quite an ingenuitive design for a motor cycle which I'm sure men absolutely enjoy riding. I wonder how much these go for??

Naughty Tuesday

GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES

9 INCHES - Oh Shit, pain!!
7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???
2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!

Stress Buster

A Happy Monday Morning to you all! In an effort to cure those Monday morning blues (I'll be needing this next week when I go back to work ... ugh), here is a little stress buster to put a grin on your face.

Poke The Penguin

Be sure to poke him 3 times!!

C Ya!

Hostel

I'm eagerly awaiting the release of the movie, Hostel. Quentin Tarantino is known for his out of the ordinary style of movie direction and I just love him as a director. Don't give him much props as an actor, but he shines most when he is behind the cameral. Quentin has done exceptional movies such as Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill 1 & 2 and Sin City. He is one of those directors you think, "if I'm ever doing a movie, I want him to direct it". John Woo is another, having directed Face Off (one of my all time favourite movies) and M-I2. I also appreciate the work of David Fincher, director of Seven (another of my all time favourite movies) and several Madonna productions.

With the underground DVD market booming, I will do my utmost to get it before it reaches theatres here ... hope no cops are reading.

Peace out.

MR2 vs Evolution IV

On New Year's Day, after leaving home for the sole purpose of going to buy Nestle Bon Bons at the Ice Cream Store, the BF and I end up going to Ocho Rios to watch street car racing at Orange Park. I had a blast. It was so much fun. First of all, when we got to the round about to take us to the "race track", there were 3 police jeeps neatly parked up at the corner stopping almost every car with a loud muffler on it for a spot check. Seeing this, we took a slight detour only to see other racing hungry homosapiens all parked up talking about how much of a "p***yhole di policeman dem is fi a mash up the little racing ting". After small talk and minor socializing with these unknown people, we decided to head back home and enjoy the fact that we had a really nice drive coming to Ocho Rios.

Alas! When we turn back ... no police men at the round about. Soon after, we were heading up to the "track". Upon reaching there, there were quite a few cars parked up along the side of the road waiting anxiously for the racing to begin. There were also the same 3 police jeeps scattered among the parked cars. OK ... so I'm thinking these "a-holes" want some $$$$ so we can do as we please on the public street. Well, they didn't come anywhere near our direction so I'm not sure what was happening. Shortly after that, they left and engines started revving, cars started doing 180 turns in the road ... Yes ... the party is about to start!

Needless to say, we waited about 1 hr 45 mins before the first race started. During this time though, some of the guys were "warming up", speeding their turbo-charged, DOHC V-Tech encines up and down the track I guess baiting up the other racers.

Long and short of the story is that the MR2 stole the show. It won almost every race it ran in beating out Sunny GTS Turbo Charged, the Evo IV, V-Tech Civics and Integras. Don't know what that guy had under the hood but it was moving like a bitch! The Evo IV was a big disappointment being beat by lowly Nissans and Hondas. The funny thing was this group of guys standing close to us chanting "Honda" ... which sounded more like "Huuunnnnndaaaaaa". It was hilarious!

My BF and crew were teasing me about lining up my car ... but I asked them if they wanted to embarrass me in front of all these people. I also learnt that losers at an event like this, albeit informal, caused several malices between various drivers, whose sole purpose after losing was to do more modifications to their engine to ensure victory at the next street race. Men!

All in all it was good fun though. I thoroughly enjoyed!

Full Control

On New Year's Eve Eve, I'm driving along happily in my car listening to some tunes on the radio on my favourite station, the Blazing Fame 95 FM. On my speakers I hear the familiar voice of Shaggy and the veteran Barrington Levy. The song of choice: "Full Control". I'm rocking to the song, listening to the smoothness of the beat and the truthfullness of the words, all along under the impression that this song was on Shaggy's new album ... only to be completely shocked to come home today, search on the net for the song and realize that this song is on Shaggy's 2002 Album, Lucky Day.

The song speaks about independent women who are in full control of their lives, confident, knows how to handle herself, take care of herself, doesn't jump at every man who offers her something, but much prefers to be assured and have her heart secured. I'm sure we can all attest to a man who expresses an interest in you and the first thing that comes out of their mouth is I drive a ...., I live in some popular neighbourhood, I'm a top executive at a company, I have $$$ in the bank, blah blah blah, going on and on about what they have and nothing about who they are.

The other day too, while driving to Kingston, I for some reason was listening to Disclosure with Kingsley "Ragashanti" Stewart on Hot 102 where he was speaking of an article in the Flair magazine in the Monday Gleaner, which spoke about men selling sex to women. He expounded on the article and extended the concept to the wider society of men who are now seeking to get with a woman who is financially stable, successfull, achieved by society's standards and basically just give her as much sex as she wants/needs while she takes care of him ... or as we say in Jamaica, "mine him". With more and more women becoming independent, there are 3 types of men:

1. The one that will be supportive, and want to stand beside you as you both make your way up the ladder in life
2. The ones who will bad mind you, say you slept with some man to get your house, car, job, call you a ho
3. Those who just want to take advantage of the situation and get as much as they can from you.

It is so interesting to think about these things and see how the world operates and changes overtime. All I can say is ladies, keep being independent and strong and strive to find a man who falls in Category 1 above. And men, have enough strength and pride in yourself to be a man in category 1 above.