Unreliable

People who are unreliable annoy the hell out of me.

Does anyone have a "friend" who you can never count on to do anything? I mean, nothing at all.

It's always "Yeah man, mi ago deal wid dat fi yu man, mi jus busy, yu know di vibes".

I think... correction: I am a reliable person, one that any friend can depend on. I know how important it is to live up to someone' s expectations no matter how small. One of the worst things in life is disappointment. I have taken an approach of "every disappointment is for a good" but it doesn't detract from the feeling of emptiness that one feels when they are disappointed.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

More time.

Plagiarism At Its Best!!!

Three Names You Go By: Nicky, Neeks, Nioks
Three Screennames You Have: CoolDestiny, Flavababe, Babylicious
Three Things You Like About Yourself: Optimism, wit, sense of committment (and Patience ... that's 4)
Three Things You Dislike About Yourself: Irritability, Suspicious, my stomach
Three Parts of Your Heritage: Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica
Three Things That Scare You: Loneliness, Cancer, Cockroaches
Three of Your Everyday Essentials: MUSIC, toothbrush, cell phone
Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: White thongs, Columbian Emeralds bracelet (50% off!!), Honey-coloured contacts
Three of Your Favorite Bands/Artists (at the moment): Maroon 5, Madonna, Tami Chin
Three of Your Favorite Songs at Present: Sunday Morning, The Reason, Goody Good
Three New Things You Want to Try in the Next 12 Months: Thai food, rally driving, Having a Baby
Three Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given): Respect, Appreciation, Communication
Two Truths and a Lie: I'm in love, I'm a hopeless romantic, I hate Sex.
Three Physical Things About the Opposite Sex (or same) That Appeal to You: Luscious Lips, cute ass, strong arms
Three Things You Just Can’t Do: Be mean to people, take addictive drugs, take advantage of others
Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: Listening to Music, Reading, Pleasure ...
Three Things You Want to do Really Badly Right Now: Leave work, Make love, Make more love
Three Careers You’re Considering: Advertising Executive, Therapist, Movie/Book Critic
Three Kids’ Names: Girls: Christanya, Jeniel, Imani. Boys: Dominic, Jovante, Adrian
Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die: European cruise, Have a family, Own a yacht.
Three People You Want to Take this Quiz: Lady Serendipity, BabyBlueLee, Regular Girl

Happy Yuletide

Well, it is that time of year again.

First of all, let me say that most of the people who "know" me, will tell you that this is my least favourite time of the year. Having been brought up in a 7th Day adventist home, the excitement surrounding Christmas was never present. However, as an adult, I still find the celebration of Christmas to be so pagan that I'm happy to not be caught up in the whirlwind fanfare of this Yuletide season.

However, my significant other loves Christmas! Preparations and plans for this time of year start from early November. With me being away for so long, it put a damper on things somewhat since I'm a very important part of his Christmas. I find myself now since I've been with him that I am indulging in some aspects of the celebration. This will be our 4th Christmas together and it is one of the most special times we share.

I am very opposed to the paganistic behaviour of some members of society who just see this as a time to take advantage and exploit every situation to the fullest. Merchants who increase their prices to astronomical level (I blame us shoppers for falling into the trap every single year), the scams to swindle people out of their christmas money (some who don't have much to begin with) among other activities that make the holiday commercialized and disgusting.

Neverless, since I will spend Christmas away from my home (since there really isn't any Christmas there), I intned to enjoy it to the max. I think I am now getting in to the Spirit of Christmas on a simple level (you all should know I'm all about simplicity).

Happy Yuletide to each and every one. Remember CHRISTmas for what it is supposed to represent.

Merry Christmas guys!!

HOME!

Wow! I'm back home after a long ordeal that felt like a trip to Europe! I'll write about that later.

For now, I'm glad to be home.

Back at work .. Stress already!

No Place like home.

Priorities-Comments-Countdown

Priorities change in our life based on its events.

No comments on the "controversial" blogs. Did I step on some corns or are they just not "comment worthy"?? I like confrontation and controversy.

10 Days To Go!!!

More Time.

I Love Advertisements!

How weird must a person be to actually prefer commercials to watching whatever TV Show is on? I love advertisements. My love for advertisements is something that started when I was a child. On numerous occasions my parents have told me of advertisements I loved as a child. One of them was an advertisement for a stout (forget the name right now) but the slogan was “Power in a McKeson Stout”. I would dance in front of the TV and sing along to the jingle … all when I was only 2 years old. That love for advertisements has grown with me to this day. I am one you will hear singing the commercials out loud or singing along with them when they air on radio or TV. As a career goal, I want to work in the field of Advertising.

Now, Christmas is always a time when companies go all out for their commercials. I must say at this point that I have always found local ads to be quite atrocious. Although they have a “Jamaican Flavour”, I personally don’t find them as creative as they can be or effective as they should be. In more recent times, there have been attempts to improve on the quality of local advertisements. However, I still think they leave much to be desired and that is a motivator for me to become the pioneer of local ads someday.
So I speak primarily of ads seen on Cable TV. One of my favourite ads so far this Christmas is the Old Navy commercials that mimic the Christmas carol “Jingle Bells”. I just find them to be so witty, to the point and really aim at reaching the appropriate audience, which is the purpose of an Advertisement. I’ve seen 2 so far, one for the Performance Fleece ($15.00 up) and Old Navy Sweaters …

Some of my favourite ads are: Capital One, Your Credit Card company (Identity theft), Orbit Sugar Free Gum, DiscoverCard, MasterCard, VISA, Elidel, Progressive. My list could go on and on and on.

When I grow up (smile) I want to be an Advertising Executive. Any influential people at prestigious Marketing/Advertising firms reading this blog and would like to hire me???

Real Beauty Is On The Inside

Lady Serendipity did a post on UPN’s America’s Next Top Model, and it has prompted my post on the overall concept of beauty in the modern world.

In the 18th – 19th Century, beauty in women was measured by their Voluptuousness evidenced in artwork by several famous artists (think DaVinci, Picasso … not quite sure of their names – I was never good at Art). Women were painted with wide hips, large bottoms and breasts the size of grapefruits. These women were considered the most beautiful at that time. As culture has evolved, beauty is now measured by how thin a woman is. Note, that men are not measured with the same yardstick as women – the double standards we live with.

It seems that models – both beauty and fashion – have been getting thinner and thinner with each passing year. I’m surprised that we can still see them! The portrayal of beauty by magazines such as Vogue, Cosmopolitan, etc. has been the cause of trauma in many teenage girls who have turned to a life of Bulimia and Anorexia in at attempt to be “beautiful” by society’s standards. There have also been reports of suicide by girls considered “fat” by their peers.

As a plus sized woman (and a very sexy one if I may say so myself), I have observed friends battle the bulge in every way from dieting ridiculously to bulimia to becoming addicted to jogging. I was once accused of being Anorexic and I could not see how this could be possible given my weight. I have a weird stomach and a weird appetite. I can go days without eating simply because I just don’t feel hungry. And then there is a time when I’ll eat a good healthy meal! I have been on a drive to eat more healthy meals and try to exercise but it is primarily with a view to being healthy. Losing weight in the process will be a bonus for me. Ideally, I would like to lose 40-50lbs and while I may still be considered “fat” if I achieve that goal, I will be totally comfortable at that weight (don’t even think I’m gonna tell you what that is). However, I love myself so much and am happy with the way I am. It’s me and if I don’t appreciate me for who I am, then no one else will.

I learnt a long time ago that you should not judge a book by its cover. My post “You Can’t Tell By Looking” spoke of one aspect of this. It is not rare that you come across a person who is not beautiful by society’s standards but has the most beautiful personality you have ever come across. I’ve experienced this personally. The popular saying is that people who are physically challenged in whatever way try to make up for that deficiency by having a wonderful personality. Whether this is true or fiction is up for debate. However, how many times have we met someone of the same or opposite sex, who is physically beautiful by society’s standards - for a woman, it means having stats of 34-24-36 and for a man it is being tall, dark, handsome and muscular – and these people turn out to be the most annoying, disgusting, arrogant, obnoxious, bitchy person you have ever met in your life? I’m sure we can all say more than once. It is my belief in some cases that persons who are considered beautiful thinks it gives them the right to take advantage of others, belittle them and treat them in a condescending manner. If they think that makes them beautiful, in my eyes, that makes them more ugly than any person they think to be so.

What needs to happen is that persons who are not “living up” to the expectation of society by virtue of their appearance need to say to hell with the world! They need to have a high level of confidence, self esteem and love themselves for who they are. It is only when we love ourselves that others will love us. By being “comfortable in our skin” we will maintain a level of sanity and happiness to survive in this double standard world that we live in.

Another Week …

I’ve made it through another week. And learnt that my trip has been extended by one more week! What are they doing to me?

While distraught at the thought of another week away from home, I am trying my best to remain strong for my darling who has inspired me to be all that I am. He thinks I’m the strongest woman he has ever met, not just because of this situation but many that I have experienced in our time together, and he is absolutely proud of me ... :-)

So, the countdown continues … 18 days gone ….20 more to go!!!

Meeting Etiquette

Another Friday, another weekend for me away from home ... boo hoo hoo ... I may be going clubbing with some ladies from the office tonight. Will let you know how that goes if I decide to go. Enjoy your weekend and for those of us in the corporate world, here is something to ponder on:


Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer been tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps! you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f______ problem.

8) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

Thank You,
Human Resources

Bad Jamaicans

Would you believe that in my aim to reduce my telephone bills while away from home, I finally made it to the Cable & Wireless office here to purchase a phone card. Upon asking for a phone card to call Jamaica, the agent told me that the cards do not work to Jamaica. She further said that it was discontinued because "the Jamaicans found a way to override the system and make calls to Jamaica for free using the card so they made it bad for everyone who wanted to call Jamaica".

Damn to them all who caused this!!!!

A Virtuous Woman

Following on my previous post, the vintage Housekeeping Monthly article raised some questions in my mind. How are women/wives viewed in relationships in the 21st century?

It seems long gone are the days that women were thought of as property, designed solely for the purpose of housekeeping, child bearing, child rearing, providing sexual gratification and all other needs to her husband. With women’s liberation a reality, what is a real woman and what is her purpose?

I will attempt to answer question 1 in a nutshell. A real woman: A female specie of virtue (def.: high caliber, good worth, good value, desirable quality), who knows who she is and doesn’t compromise it, independent without being over-bearing, genuine in character, strong, a provider, a friend. Some readers may not agree with this statement in its entirety or minutely. However, when you put it into perspective, think outside the box, look at the bigger picture, then you will agree that there is a whole lot of truth to my statement. A woman’s purpose is many and varied now a days. No longer are we simply expected to bear children, rear children, cook, clean, wash, iron and provide sexual gratification. Women are now home makers, corporate executives and contributors to society all at the same time.

What irks me now-a-days are these “women” who feel it necessary to cheapen their existence by stooping to levels lower than the deepest seas. The old phrase “A women can’t do what a man does and still be a lady” no longer seems to phase the female population as they are doing all that men were previously accused of and more. It is almost commonplace for women to have more than one male companion satisfying every need – one for money, one to take them out on the town, one to pay bills, one to maintain their physical image, a tiger in bed, and the list can go on and on depending on what the female sets as her goal. It seems as if every other women now a days is engaged in more than one relationship.

An acquaintance of mine said the other day that she wanted to talk to me to get some advice (yeah, I’m a counselor). I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to her yet but found out from a mutual friend that she’s cheating on her current boyfriend, with a married man. She loves BF #1, but BF #2 has everything she has been looking for in a man. She doesn’t want to break it off with BF #1 because he might get violent and she’s waiting for them to have an argument so that they can break up.

Another acquaintance of mine said and I try to quote:

“A my house mi a defen’ inna 2005. Whateva mi haffi do fi get it, a dat a go gwaan. Mi want a money man. Him nuh even haffi bi mine. Jus as long as di money a run, mi alright”.

Now, this is only 2 people that I know and without a doubt there are many others like that out there.

Every man needs a woman, a good woman to stand beside them. No man or woman is complete until he has found that one person who fulfils his every need. Should that dream be thrown away? Is their virtue worth the material gain they will experience? What of the Virtuous Woman that Warrior King sings about? How many of them are there left in the world?

I know of at least one ... :-)

More time.

The Good Wife’s Guide

The below article was taken from Housekeeping Monthly, May 13, 1955 …. (don’t ask). Let me know what you think. One thing came to mind as I read this …. Fred & Wilma Flinstone!

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch of your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables

Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces, comb their hair and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to se them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand dhis world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.

When I get Rich ….

I have always thought about what ridiculous toy I would get if I were to become filthy stinkin’ rich. With my visit to BVI, the “Sailing Capital of the World” as it is called, I am now leaning towards a Yacht.

Background. The British Virgin Islands is a group of approximately 50 islands. The most popular of these are Tortola (where I am), Virgin Gorda and Anegada. As you can appreciate, Tortola is quite small, the expanse of the island can be covered in 1 hr’s drive. So, putting things in perspective, it is more realistic to have a boat here than a car. They have ferrys similar to our own Port Royal ferry in Jamaica to take you from island to island as required.

Yesterday morning, I met a gentleman, Bill, who had just completed the Caribbean 500 sail from Virgina. He placed 2nd and was quite happy about that. He explained that the Caribbean 500 is an annual sail that takes place this time of year. It has 2 categories, Rally Sailing and Cruise Sailing. All this is mumbo jumbo but, the hotel I am staying at also has a Marina with a dock that holds close to 100 yachts that I have seen since I’ve been here. Yachts of various sizes, shapes, colours and types have come in to the dock each day. I was particularly impressed with one called the “Contraria”. It is the largest yacht I’ve seen to date. Firstly, I thought, what could lead to the choice of such a name. The boat is blue and white, the “Contraria” written in gold, white and blue sails and a union jack flying from it. The boat looked similar to that in Jay Z’s “Big Pimpin” music video. I can just picture these people on the sail having a party on board, making mad love on the high seas and just enjoying a lifestyle of the rich and famous.

Apart from the thrill of a race, I am a particular lover of water (although I have a fear of drowning) and without a doubt would enjoy the adventure of sailing from port to port, breathing in the sea breeze, having the water splash in my face from time to time, enjoying the view of passing various islands and reefs … and ….. Making Passionate love to the sounds of the waves beating against my boat’s bow.

So … my decision is made. When I become a Multi-Billionaire/Millionaire, I won’t be wasting my money on clothes and Jewellery …. Well, maybe some Jewellery. But I will definitely be investing in my very own Yacht. I think I’ll call her …. Cool Destiny!

TGIF ... I think ...

Well, It's Friday and I'm winding down at the office. I have nothing planned for tonight or tomorrow but should be going to church on Sunday. Hopefully I can change the no plans for tonight ... will let you know on Monday.

Here's wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!

PS. "A Virtuous Woman" ... Coming Soon To A Blog Near You!!!

Reality Check!

Today I mustered up the courage to check at the front desk for a tally of my phone calls to home since I have been here. The consensus now is that I will not be making any more calls from the hotel. After being here a total of 6 days, the cost of telephone calls I have made equates to approximately 1 year of phone calls back home! How ridiculous is that?

It has given me a reality check that I do not welcome, do not want, hesitate to act on, apprehensive to accept … but have no choice but to.

The purpose of taking this assignment apart from the exposure, adding another island to my list of travels and to impart knowledge (not in that order of course) was the opportunity it presented to save some extra money. For those who travel on behalf of your company will understand that there are some financial benefits to be gained from this. As it stands now, I will have almost erased any possibility of doing that.

So, my significant other has put me on a regimen …. Adding to my TORTURE!!! Restricting the amount of times I call and how long I stay on the phone with him. How does he expect me to survive? I feel like I’m literally dying here. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you’re all saying, “Shi weak eh!”. Sorry to disappoint all those of you who know me and probably think of me as the strongest person you know. I have a weakness too and my weakness is the one I love. He knows that this regimen is best for us both in terms of what we want to achieve. I also know that it is the best thing to do but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept or deal with. Today was the first of this regimen …. Can you all spell it with me … T-O-R-T-U-R-E!!! Don’t think I’m exaggerating or blowing this way out of proportion. I am merely expressing the emotional state this has put me in. It is not easy for either of us but I think it is harder for me being away from home. This is not the 1st time I have traveled and it won’t be the last. I’m scheduled to be away again in January 2005, albeit just for 4 days but at least there is prepaid roaming with Digicel now so I can get a pre-paid SIM and it will be all good in Miami (my post paid would be too expensive).

The only thing keeping my sanity is the normal hectic job, your blogs and emails from friends. Kudos to you all!

Also, the chick I am training asked me to fly to Puerto Rico next weekend to shop since everything there will be on sale for Thanksgiving …. I’m wondering if I should? What say you all?

Liar Liar Pants on Fire ... Helping My Torture

Today was equally depressing but more bearable being at work and all. It is amazing how easily I fit into any environment in which I work. I’ve hit the ground running in BVI, interacting with customers. People have even commented on how professional I am and how at ease I look with the customers I have dealt with. It was very busy today but welcomed as it takes my mind off the inevitable situation in which I find myself. Think I may just get drunk tonight … hhhmmmm, interesting thought.

Anyhoo, I am now in the “comfort” of my hotel room, watching one of my favourite Jim Carrey movies, Liar Liar. This movie is one of his most hilarious in my opinion and it got me thinking what it would be like for the world if we couldn’t lie. I mean, lying has become so commonplace in our society that it is as accepted as pre-marital sex now a days (yes, the last time I checked, having sex before marriage, aka fornication was still a sin).

We seem to lie about the simplest things. IMHO (Thanks Scratchie), I think that it is impossible to go through this life without lying. However, it should be the exception rather than the norm. For example, if one needs to lie to save a life or to spare the feelings of another, then I completely support lies under these conditions. Such as, in Liar Liar, Jim Carrey’s character Fletcher Reid explained to his son that when his mother was pregnant and had gained 40 lbs, she asked him how she looked and he told her that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. In truth, he thought she looked like a cow but spared her feelings by telling her a lie about how beautiful she looked at that time. This I think is acceptable and any similar situation. Lying to save your life, say if you are being held up by a man at gun point, whatever it takes to save your life, I say do it. What I don’t appreciate or support is the casual liar who tells “white lies” as we call it. Lies for no good reason are despicable and should be avoided at all costs. Like lying to cover up a wrong we did or to get someone else in trouble or to make ourselves look good to others … Contemptible. It is said that once you start to lie, you can’t stop because you lie then tell another lie to cover up the 1st lie and before you know it, you are so caught up in the lie that it either catches up on you or you actually start to believe it to be the truth and a reality.

Now, I lie too just like the average person. However, I try to live my life in such a way that I do not need to do it more than is absolutely necessary.

I deserve a pat on the back … don’t I??

DAY 3 OF TORTURE

After I stopped feeling sorry for myself (sort of) and decided that I might as well try to overcome this depression that I feel coming over me like a fog in the night, I took a shower, got dressed and decided to go on an exploration of this island of Tortola. For those who may not know, BVI is a group of over 50 islands, the main of these being Tortola and Virgin Gorda. A friend of mine said to me when I was leaving that when I return to Jamaica, I should either be British or a Virgin …. I know which one I won’t be …

Anyway, I put my clothes on and stepped out into the unknown. I walked to the end of the road, looked left, looked right and decided to go left. I found myself on the Marina which is a part of the crap of a hotel I’m staying (more on this later) and I walked on the dock, admiring the yachts and saying that I will own one of these things before I die. Then, I saw a semblance of a mall to the left of the Marina so I ventured in that direction. Nothing … Insurance Companies and 1 souvenir/gift shop! What kind of a mall is that???? The souvenir shop … just like every other in the Caribbean (almost), nothing worth even looking at. As I stepped out of this establishment, I now ventured right and then ……………………


It starts to rain! Fuck!! I finally decide that I might as well find something better to do than stay in the hotel room, sleep, watch TV, eat, shit, whatever … and the fucking rain!!
I’m so pissed. It rained, and rained, and rained, I had to walk back to the hotel in the rain! And then ….

Sneezing, sneezing, sneezing. I hope to God I don’t get sick. That I can’t deal with for sure.

What next????

Extreme Torture

I arrived in the British Virgin Islands last night after a 4 hour delay in Antigua. Talk about tired ... that was me. In addition to this, I was not able to communicate with my significant other for this time. I hate being away from home and away from him so that is the source of my extreme sadness and torture!

I will be away for 4 weeks on behalf of my company. I travel quite often on behalf of my company usually anywhere between 3 days and 2 weeks. This is the first time I'm asked to be away for 4 weeks minimum ... and from the looks of things ... I'd better start singing Christmas Carols!

I'm totally devastated. The thought of being away from the comforts of home and the security of my baby's arms, is not one that is welcomed at all. The travel has its benefits in that it pays more for me to be here and I get a chance to be seen and heard within my company. I've done that already, hence my selection out of a region of 15 countries to go to various islands to work in one capacity or another. This trip is to provide relief and training to a new recruit into my line of work.

Nonetheless, I'm saddened by the distance. It is said it makes the heart grow fonder and the other wander .... I'm hoping that in my case it is the former. In addition, it costs US$2.00 to call home and I'm pretty sure I must have done all my money on phone calls already which is quite tragic. It's difficult and quite challenging to make the transition from being able to pick up the phone and call your partner at anytime of the day for anything, big or small, just to say Hi or I love you or to make sure they are ok. It is hard for me, very, very hard.

I'll continue to make desperate attempts to not get depressed. BVI is not a happening island, there's not much to do here and the cable at my hotel sucks big time. I however have 2 novels I took with me so at least I have that and my laptop!

Keep me company guys. I have to make an empassioned plea for you all (except Steverino) to post regularly to your blogs so that I may not die of boredom ... PLEASE ... I BEG OF YOU!!!

Extreme

Sadness :(

"Know From Afar" - What an Honour!!

Who knew that when I started this blog in June, that I would still be at it in November? Not even I knew and it demonstrates my theme, "Patience Is A Virtue". Also, when I started, didn't think that more than 2 people would actually view my rantings, ramblings and ravings about the world, my life, etc.

Now, I'm on the "Know From Afar" listing on Peter M.'s blog and I feel honoured. Am I being silly? It's just a blog for crying out loud! Well, it's a big deal to me since I viewed this blog initially as just a new phase that would eventually pass when I got bored. That day hasn't come yet, and until it does, I'll be around.

So, this blog goes out to Peter. Thanks for reading and for finding my comments and my blog worthy of being added to your "Know From Afar" list!!

Kudos.

Passion Unleashed

Wanting, Needing
Feeling, Groping
Breathing, Moaning
Passion unleashed

Touching, kissing
Beating hearts
Licking lips
Holding Hands
Smiling, Winking
Passion Unleashed

A simple touch
A light caress
Electrifying
Whether with hands,
Fingers or tongue
Imminent arousal
Passion building

No time to wait
Release in inevitable
Can't Hardly Wait
For us to both feel
The depth of my love
And my Passion unleashed.

-NLJ-

102 Things About Me

I had to give in to this one. So many blogs I’ve checked out in recent times has this list: “100 Things About Me”… first seen on Peter M.’s blog.

In an attempt to be different, below is my list: “102 Things About Me”

1. I’m an only child
2. I’m not a typical only child
3. My father told me that he wanted 7 children … before he had me!
4. I was the youngest person in my graduating class in High School
5. I was born in St. Andrew, Jamaica at 5:15 a.m. on May 14
6. My first sexual encounter occurred when I was 6 years old
7. This encounter was with an 8 year old boy
8. He didn’t know what sex was.
9. I think I have a split personality
10. I once got drunk on purpose
11. My best friend had to persuade me not to take my top off in the club
12. I was very very happy that night.
13. The first Cassette I ever bought was Tiffany’s debut album.
14. I have a passion for Music
15. I’m a sitcom junkie
16. My favourite comedy of all time is Seinfeld
17. People think my father and I are brother and sister because of the way we interact
18. If I had my choice of X-Men characters, I would be Mystique
19. Think I would call my daughter Mystique … (scary)
20. I want to have 6 children
21. I have none yet
22. I think Masters Degrees are over-rated
23. My favourite singer is Madonna
24. Both my parents are teachers
25. I work in Banking
26. I once had a pet cat named Princess
27. She got run down on the street where I live
28. A cat once crawled through my window and pounced on my back
29. I thought it was my father playing with me
30. I freaked out when I put my hand behind me and felt fur
31. I find the sea relaxing
32. I have a fear of drowning
33. I have an unnatural fear of cockroaches
34. I have a very high sex drive
35. If it were possible, I would have sex every day
36. Hhhhhhmmm, I think I need to make it possible!
37. I have an obsession with Thong panties
38. Someone once bought me “Anne Hooper’s Ultimate Sex Guide: A Sex Therapist’s Personalized Program For Enriching Your Sex Life”
39. A pack of Erotica condoms accompanied this gift
40. I would like to go on a European Cruise before I die
41. People constantly tell me I have a beautiful smile
42. I’m obsessed with brushing my teeth
43. My favourite toothpaste is Listerine Gel
44. I once wanted to be a Stand Up comedian
45. I once wanted to be a stripper
46. See #25
47. I hate teddy bears
48. My favourite alcoholic drink is Rum Cream
49. I’ve always wanted a baby sister
50. I’m in Love
51. I absolutely love astronomy
52. I don’t believe in aliens
53. I think Psychics are fake
54. I almost won the lottery once
55. Like to dance
56. I’m a wonderful person to have as a friend
57. I don’t like hypocrites
58. I think people take advantage of me sometimes
59. I think I’m capable of committing murder
60. And not get caught
61. I’ve never been called for Jury Duty
62. Hope that when I do it’s for a rape case
63. I believe in Capital punishment … (ooops, hope I didn’t make enemies here)
64. My cell phone currently rings “We Wish You a Merry X-Mas"
65. It's been on that since October 1
66. Christmas is my least favourite holiday of the year
67. I have a Nokia cell phone
68. Nokia is my name rearranged
69. I love word games
70. My boyfriend constantly wins at Scrabble
71. He doesn’t know that I let him win
72. I’m smart
73. People think I’m very mature and wise for my age
74. People have thought this since I was 10
75. My dentist told me when I was 9 that I have the teeth of a 12 year old
76. I have kept a journal since 1989
77. I used to write poetry
78. I write less poetry now
79. I have hopes of being a Rock/Pop star someday
80. I came 2nd in a Singing Contest
81. I am someone you can count on, loyal, dependable and honest
82. I’ve shoplifted
83. And got caught
84. “I’m not a crook”
85. My favourite fragrance is Narcisse Chloe.
86. This fragrance aggravates the sinuses of 3 of my coworkers
87. I don’t wear Narcisse Chloe to work anymore
88. I enjoy being in Love. It’s Wonderful
89. I might elope instead of having a wedding
90. If I do have a wedding, I will only have 50 people in attendance (being very optimistic here)
91. Pleasure on all levels turns me on ... whoa!!
92. Sometimes I think I’m a masochist
93. I have calendars on my wall as far back as 1998
94. I make markings on my calendars for special days
95. I have dandruff
96. My favourite colour is purple, blue is a close 2nd
97. I once tried to practice telekinesis
98. Think that’s when I developed a Migraine
99. My mother used to think I faked headaches to escape chores
100. She sucks
101. I type 120 words per minute
102. To know me is to love me … honestly… I’m great!

Changes

"The Only Thing Constant is Change"

I'm not quite sure who said that, but this person was right on the money.

In life, when we find ourselves getting comfortable with a situation, whether it is with our job, with our family, in our relationship, life throws us a curveball that blows us right out of the water. I've had many of these this year and am now actually looking forward to the beginning of another challenging, rewarding, mind-boggling, tear-jerking year.

I should be talking about Christmas right .... well, that I'll do in another blog

More time, zeen.

Little Alice (Adapted)

Gotta give kudos to the author of this joke ... whoever he/she is!

Little Alice was in her 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer.
Alice was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked her about her father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go home with some guy And make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the Other children to work on some exercises and took little Alice aside to Ask her,

"Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Alice.

"He works for the Bush administration, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

LMAO!

Work Day From Hell .... Grrrr

I'm having one of those days from hell at work. It's like everything is just going wrong, everyone is getting on my last nerve!!! Grrrrr .... I need a break!

Where Life Begins

Here is Madonna dirrrrtty song #2. One would think that a song about bringing life into the world would be a bit more sober! Go Madonna!!!! You totally rock!

"Where Life Begins"

(Lyrics from AZLyrics.com)

Warm inside, yeah

I'd like to direct your attention

To something that needs directing to

A lot of people talk about

Dining in and eating out

I guess that's what this song's about

I know this is not a dining room conversation

And you don't have to listen if you don't have the time

But let me remind you in case you don't already know

Dining out can happen down below

[Bridge:]Everybody's talkin' 'bout

Wanting that and needing this

I'd just like to know

If you want to learn a different kind of kiss

[Chorus:]So won't you go down where it's warm inside

Go down where I cannot hide

Go down where all life begins

Go down that's where my love is

Now what could be better than a home cooked meal

How you want to eat it depends on how you feel

You can eat all you want and you don't get fat

Now where else can you go for a meal like that

It's not fair to be selfish or stingy

Every girl should experience eating out

Sometimes when I come home from a hard day at work

I swear it's all I can think about

Everybody's talking bout

Wanting that and needing this

I'd just like to know

If you want to to learn a different a different kind of kiss

So won't you go down where it's warm inside

Go Down where I cannot hide

Go Down where all life begins

Go Down, that's where my love is

Colonel Sanders says it best - "Finger lickin' good"

Let's put what you've learned to the test

Can you make a fire without using wood

Are you still hungry; aren't you glad we came

I'm glad you brought your raincoat

I think it's beginning to rain

That's where my love is

Come inside

That's where all life begins

It's warm inside

Erotica!

Madonna has been known as one of the raunchiest pop acts of our time. She has been the centre of many controversial songs and music videos, also accused of "pushing the envelope" many a time in her prime. I absolutely love her. Her Erotica album, launched in 1990 bears two of my most favourite raunchy Erotic songs. How fitting is it that I have decided to pay homage to them here on my blog! Here is raunchy song #1.

"Erotica"

(Lyrics taken from AZ Lyrics.com)

Erotica, romance

My name is Dita

I'll be your mistress tonight

I'd like to put you in a trance

If I take you from behind

Push myself into your mind

When you least expect it

Will you try and reject it

If I'm in charge and I treat you like a child

Will you let yourself go wild

Let my mouth go where it wants to

Give it up, do as I say

Give it up and let me have my way

I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck

I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to ... aaahhh

I'd like to put you in a trance, all over

Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body

Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body

Erotic, erotic

Once you put your hand in the flame

You can never be the same

There's a certain satisfaction

In a little bit of pain

I can see you understand

I can tell that you're the same

If you're afraid, well rise above

I only hurt the ones I love

Give it up, do as I say

Give it up and let me have my way

I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck

I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to ... aaahhh

I'd like to put you in a trance, all over

Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body

Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body

Erotic, erotic

Erotica, romance

I'd like to put you in a trance

Erotica, romance

Put your hands all over my body

I don't think you know what pain is

I don't think you've gone that way

I could bring you so much pleasure

I'll come to you when you say

I know you want me

I'm not gonna hurt you

I'm not gonna hurt you, just close your eyes

Erotic, erotic [repeat several times]

Put your hands all over my body

All over me, all over me

Erotica, (give it up, give it up) romance

I'd like to put you in a trance

Erotica, (give it up, give it up) romance

I like to do a different kind of

Erotica, (give it up, give it up) romance

I'd like to put you in a trance

Erotica, romance

Put your hands all over my body

Only the one that hurts you can make you feel better

Only the one that inflicts pain can take it away

Eroti - ca!!!

The Great Madonna Part I

All my closest friends know that Madonna is my favourite artiste of all time. I remember how my love for her began. Wanna hear the story???? No???? Well, guess what? This is my blog and you're gonna hear it so sit down, grab a cup of Java and enjoy!

I was 11 years old and in the 8th Grade (or what we call 2nd Form in Jamaica) in High School. We had a new music teacher aka Mr. B who thought that he needed to breathe life into the Music Class. For those who went to CMA would know that no one went to Music Class, sort of the bird course that you pass whether you go or not. Well, Mr. B decided to put an end to this charade. In his attept to do this, he introduced a Music Festival. What this entailed was each person in the class would choose a song to sing. He would then grade us based on our performance and all those who got a B or above would be in the finals of the Music Festival which would be an performance event in front of the entire school population who decided to attend. Yeah, major stuff!

I sang Whitney Houston's "One Moment In Time" for my in class song and was given a grade of A-! Whoopee!!! This meant I would be one of the finalists! You can imagine my excitement! I now had the task of choosing a song to sing in the finals. I didn't want to sing the same song, as quite frankly I didn't think it gave me an opportunity to display my real singing talent. So, with this in mind, I selected my finalist song.

Are you ready for this ??

Take a sip of your coffee!!

I selected ...........................................

"Superwoman" by Karyn White

Having chosen this song, I had about 1 month before the competition to rehearse and work on my dynamics etc. in an effort to win the grand prize of a "Gift Voucher Valued at J$100". Don't scoff!!! That was a fortune to an 11 year old at that time!

The fateful day arrived. I watched as other contestants went up and sang their tunes. I heard no one who could match my talent. Up to more than 1/2 way in the competition, I still had not seen a display of talent that could outdo my well rehearsed rendition of "Superwoman". I did my performance and it went very well. I got a lot of cheers from the audience, boosting my confidence, helping me to perform so much better.

Then ............................... "Ms. Jade" took the stage. Miss Jade was your typical rich kid in high school. She was fair, had long hair and had all the makings of a performer.

She stood there with the mike in her hand, and she started snapping her fingers. As she started to sing a rendition of her chosen song, it was the most beautiful sound I had heard all day ... yeah, I actually thought that she was better than me!!! I watched in awe as I listened to this songstress. She has a beautiful singing voice and she looked so effortless in her performance, so natural, so cool, so calm, so collected. I thought, "this bitch can beat me!".

The performances continued and with all the other performances, I saw no one else that sounded even close to this girl and better than me. My friend at the time who had also made it to the finals and her performance was also good.

When all the performances were complete, my prediction was that Ms. Jade would be 1st, I would be 2nd and my friend would be 3rd. And I was right. Instead of winning the whopping J$100 gift certificate, I had to settle for 2nd prize of a $50 gift certificate. There were no hard feelings in my heart as I knew she deserved it. This was where my obsession with Madonna began.

So .... What song did she sing????? Click Here!

Stalker Boy!

When I was younger, I met this guy... we'll call Jason, now known as "Stalker Boy-SB" to me and "Psychotic" to my friends who know this story, when I was 17. Needless to say that we met online so that should have been a sign that this would end in disaster. Anyhow, we met online, talked a couple of times, eventually exchanged phone numbers. I remember our first encounter ...:

Ring Ring Ring

CD: Hello
SB: ....................... (breathing)
CD: Hello???? ............. Hello????
SB: click!

WTF???

CD: *69 ... "We're sorry, this number cannot be given out. To call this #, press 1"

I press 1. Phone rings ... some nerd voice (NV) answers the phone.

NV: Hello?
CD: Hi, did someone just call xxx-xxxx from there?
NV: Oh ... yeah ... (giggling) ... my friend Jason, he's a bit shy.
CD: There's nothing for him to be shy about ... put him on the phone.

* This should have been an indication to me that I shouldn't waste my time. Ah well, you live you learn

SB: Ahm, hello?
CD: Hi. Why did you hang up?
SB: Nothing really.
CD: OK
SB: You sound nice
CD: Thanks. (blushing like an idiot) So do you.

This was only the beginning. After that, this guy called me all the time. Like 10 times a day every day. Bear in mind that we had never met face to face. All this talking online and on the phone. I remember this guy went to NYC to his father for a week and he called me every day from New York. Gosh! You can just imagine how special I felt.

The day we laid eyes on each other was a trip. He lived near to the University I attended so we planned that I would stop by one afternoon when I had a break at school. We spoke about nothing else for about a week. Finally the fateful day arrived. Girls can relate to this ... making sure you're not having a bad hair day, wear your cutest/sexiest outfit in an attempt to make a good impression. Yeah, I went through all of that, and was nervous as hell. All I told him was what kind of car I would be driving so he would know when I arrived.

At the appointed time, I drove to the place he had directed me to. Yeah, really brave of me since I could be driving into a trap. Me, being the ever-trusting person (then), I went. I drove past the house two (2) times before I finally stopped at the gate. When I stopped, I was now totally nervous about getting up and knocking on the gate. Luckily for me, I saw someone come outside so I wind down the window ... thinking it was him.

"Hi," I said. "Is Jason inside?"

Of course, I'm expecting him to say it's me. Thank God he didn't! This guy, his friend looked like a total geek!

"Yeah, he is. Who should I tell him?"

"Tell him Latoya".

He goes back inside and I'm waiting for like 3 minutes. Finally, I see this guy come out, tall (I don't like tall guys really), dark, not so bad looking.

"Hi there", he says, trying to sound all cool, suave, smooth.... It worked.

"Hi"

Don't remember what we talked about for the rest of the time, but I remember him saying he was glad to finally meet me. I didn't ask him what he thought of what he saw and he didn't ask me that either. We saved that for the telephone conversation later that evening. He liked ... he really really liked.

Anyway, we ended up in a relationship that turned out to be one of the biggest disasters of my life. We had an argument and I thought that was the end of it. Somewhat glad, but at the same time, sad because I kinda had liked this guy. I spent two (2) weeks with my girlfriend since we had exams and she needed some help studying. So, I didn't speak for him during that time. It turned out that he didn't want to break up with me and we decided to give it another chance, this after about 2 months of me avoiding him and playing hard to get.

This reconciliation was also very short lived. It lasted for about 5 months when I just had feeling that something just wasn't right but I couldn't put my finger on it.

The revelation came one night at about 12:00. My phone rang. I answer, and like there is some bitch on the other line asking me who the hell I am and what is my relationship with Jason.

I was like,"no this bitch didn't just call my house at this ungodly hour to ask me about this guy".

I said, "Who the fuck are you and what is it to you?"

She just wants to know. I said, "That is none of your business and if you really want to know, why don't you ask him. Don't call my house again you bitch". I hung up.

Immediately after I hang up, I call him to ask me who this hooch is that is calling my home and harassing me. He sounded like a chicken without a head. He didn't know exactly what to say to me. All he could come up with is "Uh, I don't know what just happened a while ago but I'll call you back".

"Don't bother calling me back. This shit is over. Good bye".

And that I thought was the end of that. This happened in January 1999.

Now, one would think that 5 years later, a guy would have gotten over this right?

Wrong!!!

This guy has been trying to get back with me every time we speak. He calls to wish me happy birthday, merry christmas, all that shit, like he thinks that is going to move me. The other day I was going through my sentiment box and found an email I had sent to him after the episode with the bitch telling him that our relationship was over, how much of a child he was (he was younger than me), him not being ready for a mature relationship or for a real woman like me. What is even more interesting is that he admits that he was childish and immature but he is trying to convince me now that he has changed, matured and is now ready to give me the type of relationship I deserved back then. He wants me to have his children ... Is he for real???? I mean, this guy even thinks that any man that I'm involved with would have to take a back seat whenever he comes around. I had to prove him wrong in the worst way a girl could do to a guy ... that is for another blog. Don't know what he was thinking ... but he has done everything - come to my house, come to my office, drive me down on the road, I mean ... Is he psychotic or what????

He hasn't called me in a while. I hope it will remain that way.

Making Love VS Fucking

This is a follow up to my post "Do People Make Love Anymore?".

I think my point may have been missed by some readers so, as a woman and hate being mizundastood, I feel it necessary to say this. Don't worry, it won't be long.

The emphasis I placed on Making Love is in no way to suggest that fucking is a bad thing. Making Love suggests tenderness and this is good. Fucking on the other hand can give a person (even a love sick puppy like myself) a wonderful feeling of passion and desire. The thing is that when you are with someone that you love, there are no inhibitions, no limits to the things that you can do (as long as you are willing). If you want to make love, with the light kisses and the soft caresses, then there's nothing wrong with that. If you want to fuck like the animals do on the Discovery Channel, humping, raw, unadulterated porn movie in your own bedroom, then that's all good too! The point I was trying to make was not in relation to the act itself, but rather the feeling and emotion behind it. That makes a world of difference in the way it is done.

I think I may need to stop talking about this love thing. I may be revealing a little bit too much of myself than I'm willing to handle right now. I'm not as bold as others just yet ... but who knows, I may just get there!

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

I'm supposed to be going away to work for three (3) weeks. This means being away from home in a strange place (I've never been to BVI), with no one I know! That's scary when you really think about it. This is not the first time I've been asked to travel on behalf of my company. I've done this many, many times. Ever since I've been in my current relationship and these times pop up, it is always a very difficult time for me. Call me "wussy", "coward" or whatever. I hate being away from my man. It is absolute torture for me to be all the way wherever I am, and he's here. Not being able to call whenever I want, not seeing him, hearing him, not arguing, not being mushy, not making love or "fucking" ... [Serendipity ... that was for you :)], not doing stuff together. EVERYTHING ABOUT US BEING APART JUST SUCKS!!!

The trip has been delayed and I'm hoping it will be permanent although, I don't think so.

Gosh ... love is a wonderful feeling!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly .... Cute, really cute

Good, Bad and Ugly

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It’s triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy 5 years ago.

2. Good: Your wife is not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She is a Lawyer.

3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You’re in them.

5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can’t find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He’s a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

7. Good: You give the! “birds and bees” talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

8. Good: The postman’s early.
Bad: He’s wearing fatigues and carrying a gun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It’s another man.
Ugly: He’s your best friend.

10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!!

Am I Evil???

I am 39% evil.

I could go either way. I have sinned quite a bit but I still have a bit of room for error. My life is a tug of war between good and evil.

Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com

Do People Make Love Anymore?

The act of love making is supposed to be the one of the most beautiful physical experiences anyone will ever go through in their lifetime. I am one of those people who believe that this was something that was meant to be for the institution of marriage based on the depth of what the act means and represents. While I did not wait on the consecration of Marriage, if I could live my life over, I would certainly have waited until now to give myself entirely. There is nothing more exhilirating that giving yourself completely to someone you love and who loves you in return. The overflow of emotion and love that is felt when this happens is a feeling of total bliss and happiness. The connection felt between two persons in love when expressing affection in this way is absolutely wonderful.

Society today for the most part no longer places the level of importance and regard for the act of love making as it is now so common place and lost its real value. By this, I mean that everyone is making love ... no, correction ... fucking with everyone else without any feeling, any thought, any consideration of what it really means. This ain't cool at all. Do I believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time? Yes, I certainly do. Is it possible to love each person in the same way with the same magnitude? I don't.

When you truly love a person, you want to share that connection in every possible way, in any capacity. One of the ways is to make passionate love. Love that encompasses warmth, electrifying touches, soft light kisses, hard ones if the mood allows. With love, there should be no reservations, no inhibitions when making love to the person who undoubtedly has your heart. The plethoria of the emotion of love is so powerful that is can overcome almost any negative an individual may face. The level of trust will be present and one would not be shy to experiment in whatever activities that make you get off on a high that cannot be compared to anything else you have ever experienced.

I am a lover. I enjoy making love to my lover every time, all the time. It takes me on a toxic high that leaves me feeling so intoxicated that I can't see straight sometimes. It is such a wonderful feeling. My days of fucking are over. I only make love now and I am enjoying it more than anything sexual I have ever experienced in my whole life.

Wonderful .... just "fucking" wonderful!! Do I sound Love Sick???

LOST!!!

I JUST WROTE A WONDERFULLY EXCITING POEM, MY LAPTOP CRASHED AND IT IS NOW FUCKING LOST!!! I'M SO FUCKING PISSED!!!

Sexy Panties

There is somethin about a thong or any sexy panty for that matter that just turns men on. I once had a friend that told me that he looked forward to when I do laundry so that he can see my sexy thong underwear hanging on the line to dry. He didn't say it but I suspect he may have taken a sniff or 2 from them too :). He just loves a g-string panty!

I have another friend who absolutely prefers a full undie to a thong. He's a rare case but to each his own.

I personally started wearing approximately 3 years and 7 months ago. I guess that is when I found my sexuality ... no, my sexuality has been present since I was a young one. The way I feel in a thong is exhilirating. It makes me feel 10 times sexier than I already know I am (talk about confidence!) Everytime I go shopping for clothes of any sort, I always end up buying at least 5 g-strings. I tend to buy the more unusual looking under wear. The standard lace and silk just don't do it for me so much now. I've graduated from those now and have been expanding my horizon into beads, chains, leather, zips ... anything that outside the norm in underwear. I just love stuff with a difference. There's nothing sweeter than unveiling your pride and joy panty to your man and he just goes absolutely wild at how sexy it is. I absolutely love that!

Wish I knew where all this undie-talk came from ...

Love

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.They must be felt with the heart."

Love is a wonderful feeling.

Friends Pt. 1

Friends was one of the best sitcoms of all time. Definitely one of my favourites (next to Seinfeld). A lot of times, we compare our own life to those on the sitcoms. The rapport among the cast on friends was amazing. It was almost like they weren't acting ... if you know what I mean. It seemed so easy and effortless to them ... maybe because they became real friends, which leads me to the point of this blog.

Throughout my life, I have come across many different types of people. I can remember my very first best friend Kerry-Ann in prep school. We did everything together. We were star students, teacher's pets, all round envied kids because we were involved in everything and was good at it. I eventually left Prep School to attend the school where my mother teaches, but because Kerry Ann and I lived close to each other, we still remained friends. After we took common entrance, we both passed for different high schools ... and that was where the friendship ended.

During my extremely interesting time in high school, I came across many persons and formed some very bad friendships (in retrospect). When I got to 9th grade (3rd Form as we call it here), I met a girl [we'll call her ... Hickey :)] who became my best friend. This is the first friendship that has lasted since then ... and this was 1989. That is almost 20 years worth of friendship we're talking about. We also drifted apart for about 1 year and a half as sometimes happens in friendships when your life takes a different direction or you are in a self-exploration phase. Despite the distance we felt in this time, I always had her in my thoughts and prayers. At some point, I wondered if it was something I did why we were apart and wrestled with the thought of being responsible for our separation. Thankfully, that was not the case and we are still so much like peas and carrots now!

There was also this guy, who, I met around the same time as Hickey who turned out to be one of the bestest friends any girl could ask for. That's all I'll say about that.

During the time Hickey and I were "separated" I acquired two friends while in College, who, in the short space of time became an important part of my life.

Overtime, some of these relationships went sour and it saddened me because I tried so hard to be a good friend. Now, in the present day ... all of my friends have migrated! Yeah, its like I chased them all away! And, I have had some bad experiences with these friends of mine that I have almost resolved not to form any deep, new friendships because I don't want to get hurt again. It sounds crazy and the reality is even moreso because as we speak, a "little" friendship is developing between myself and a very cool co-worker of mine - Ms. Mumpel. She is very cool.

But, one thing is for sure. Friends play an important role in anyone's life. It would be so lonely not to have someone to talk to, cry on, laugh with, argue with, learn from, teach and just have outright fun with! Some friends are forever, and I thank God for the true friends in my life.

This blog is dedicated to all the friends I've come across and all the ones that have lasted until now. Y'All are very special to me! Thanks guys!!

A Mother's Love

There's something about a mother's love that cannot be compared to anything else in the world. I say this not because I have experienced this but because I've heard many people say it in my lifetime.

This distance always seemed to exist between myself and my mother. Ever since birth, I have always been closer to my father. I do remember pleasant memories of my childhood but for as far back as I can remember, since I was old enough, my mother and I have always been at logger heads. This I remember started when I was 10 years old and has continued to this day. I do believe that in her own way, she loves me. I'm not sure how or how much, but I gather that a mother's love for her child is incomparable to any love you could ever experience. Being an only child, I suppose that statement is even moreso.

I believe the distance is as a result of my mother not really getting to know who I am. Right now, if my mother was to buy a gift for me, she would get something that I would never buy for myself in a million years. My father ... could go away and shop for my clothes!

This whole relationshing rift between my mother and I came into sharp focus yesterday when she expressed concern for me. I was not sure how to react and so I didn't. I was somewhat angry for what she said to me and my mother has always been able to do that. However, it lead me to think of our relationship as a whole and wondered if I could have been the reason for the rift all along. I thought long and hard about it and came to a conclusion .... we were both responsible for it. Because of some of the things she did and the reactions she displayed to various situations, it caused me to clam up and keep things to myself. My father and I have the most wonderful relationship that amazes people whenever they see us together. They either think we are a couple or that we are brother and sister. No such thing with my mother.

A lot of occurences in my life has led me to think about this and I feel like she's reaching out to me right now. I've never really told her how I feel because I don't think she would take it very well. I don't want her to think that she has failed as a mother because ironically, I don't think she has failed at all. She did a good job of raising me, but in my eyes, my father contributed most to my development and raising me to the woman I am today. I am still trying to put all of this into perspective and hope that whatever I decide is the best thing to do.

Back In Time

It is amazing how various things can make your mind travel back in time to a place, long ago and far away. Hearing a song, smelling a perfume, some home cooking, anything from the past that can evoke an emotion - love, regret, anger, rage, disappointment, sadness. Whatever the emotion, one just has to be strong, face whatever it is head on and deal with it.

Unfaithful ...

The movie "Unfaithful" with Richard Gere and Diane Lane opened a lot of eyes to the truth and reality of infidelity in our modern day society. From the very beginning of time, it seems men and women just found it hard to keep their apples in one basket. In my conversations with a few members of the opposite sex, the explanations vary far and wide. Some of them are:

1. The need for men to "divide and conquer" ... i.e., the need to feel that they can pursue and get any female
2. God did not intend for man to have one partner ... (this one really got me!)
3. Man can't eat chicken every day. There needs to be variety in life
4. Not getting everything that is needed out of their current relationship
5. Damn greedy ... can't be satisfied
6. Material gain
7. Nothing better to do than play the field

I am sure I could continue this list but will not bore you with the semantics of it all.

Perhaps because I have never been in the situation, I cannot speak with authority on the subject. Also, it is always different to be looking in than to be in the situation yourself. It is always said that love is blind and walk a day in my shoes, you will feel differently.

I believe in committment and honesty and maintain the view that the need to be unfaithful stems from a lack of satisfaction in one's relationship.

Is it so hard for people to remain faithful? It seems to be the order of the day now to have 2 and 3 men supporting a woman's lifestyle. Men now are in the habit of having "sugar-mommies" to take care of their every need. What is also interesting to note is that gone seem to be the days when men were the ones playing the field. Right now, it is hard to differentiate between men and women when it comes to the "Playa" mentallity.

Bwoy ... mi nuh know if it is how I was brought up or what but somethings just are unacceptable to me, unappealing to me. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think for a second that I'm better than anyone for remaining faithful to my relationship but I do think that it is something to be proud of, no matter how stupid or naive it makes me look. A chic I know the other day said that no man now-a-days is being faithful, that women should just accept the fact that their man is being shared with some other woman and they should be grateful that he is not throwing/flaunting it in her face! I was appalled. Things like these bring back memories of the era in dancehall when every song centred around one title - "MATIE" .... Yeah, now ... it is getting more and more prevalent as the levels of infidelity in our society continue to increase.

For those of us who have remained faithful, more power to us! For those who haven't, there must be a good reason in your eyes for your actions, but that reason doesn't make it any more right no matter what the circumstance is. I love to see people around me feeling happy and enjoying life to the fullest. I just hate to see it being done with someone other than that person's significant other. I wish we could all get along, have wonderful happy relationships with the one we love.

There was a song (man, everyting mi talk 'bout, there's a song to go with it ... GOSH!!! I'm really a music junkie) that says, "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with".

Can we really do this? Do we have the courage or the will to do this? I wonder ....

Writer's Block

I have the urge to blog, but there's just nothing to blog about. I have decided not to write about all the negative things around me, the positives are things that I do not really want to share and then, there's writing about nothing which I don't really think I should do.

HELP!!!!

Deep Thoughts - Just For Laughs

I can't believe how depressing my blog sounded this past week! Gosh!!! That is so out of character for me ... the always smiling, always laughing .... always on the brighter side of life! Well, here are some deep thoughts and a few laughs to change all that. Not sure who to give the props to but ... Thanks to whoever sat down and thought of all this shit!


1. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

2.One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3.If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

4. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

6. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

7. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

8. If the police arrest a mime, does he still have the right to remain silent?

9. Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

10. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

11. If a pit bull humps your leg you'd better fake an orgasm.

12. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

13. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

14. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a twat.

15. Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right.

16. The easiest way to find something that's lost is to buy a replacement.

17. How come when you open a can of evaporated milk it's still there?

18. Why is there only one Monopolies commission?

19. If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

20. Guns don't kill people - Husbands who come home early kill people.

21. Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

22. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

23. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

24. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?

25. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled througH mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

26. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Deep thoughts .... VeRy VeRy DeEp.

Heights of Heartlessness ....So So Sad

After the passing of Hurricane Ivan, it has become more evident to me the despicable society in which we live. I have never before, in my life, seen such heartlessness in one place. We would all have heard about the looting and shooting that took place during the act of nature that has caused great loss to many individuals and families. Now, having lived through this devastation, one would think that people would now begin to put their lives in perspective and attempt to turn their life around for the better!

Ha! Wishful thinking! It seems that this was just the golden opportunity for them to let the darkness and coldness of their heart "shine". Reports in the local and international media spoke of incidents of looting in homes that were completely destroyed by Ivan. The pictures were astounding. There was also a report of a doctor being shot while on the way to the hospital to work.

What the hell is wrong with us? Everyday there is something else on the news, someone else has a story to tell of an unpleasant experience of selfishness to the nth degree. In a time when we would be seeking to help each other overcome and deal with this time of difficulty, we are looking out only for our own welfare, not caring about the people who are hurt, trampled on and run over in the process. I mean, a simple thing like sharing resources is completely unheard of. A DJ on my favourite radio station made mention of the fact that it is indeed hard to see your neighbour across the street with electricity and you don't. The pain, the torture of knowing that your neighbour is enjoy a glass of orange juice ... WITH ICE!!! That is enough to send someone into instant depression. He then went on to say that this is the time, albeit not the best circumstances to develop a long term relationship with the people you have been living beside or across for numerous years. Yeah, yeah, right! These neighbours would probably say, "wi nuh have enuff fi gi yu. Sorry. Maybe next time". And this is a simple act of kindness that is completely humane but seems to be a challenging task to many people in this country. No one is their brother's keeper any more.

Will we ever come out of this mentality? At times like these, I feel the urge to move away from home and try to find a more civilized environment to live in. Strange, I did not feel this when we were being battered by Ivan, or when the interest rates continued to rise, the dollar continued to devalue and the economy in a state of disarray. These things seem like a walk in the park when compared to dealing with the uncivilized behaviour of humanity.

It is sad.... sad, sad, sad. Sweden, Switzerland .... will you take me?

Relationships Part I

The old age topic of relationships is one that will continue until the end of time. It is a dynamic that everyone of us has to deal with on a daily basis. Relationships span between family, acquaintances, friends, lovers.

Every day we see relationships end in disaster, we see relationships in bliss, we relationships move in transition from a state of bliss to a state of disaster. The million dollar question asked by many people in relationships is what does it take to keep a relationship in the state of bliss? Is this even possible? Now, it is important to realize that we do not live in a utopia. There is bound to be confrontation, conflict, misunderstandings, arguments and disagreements. However, it takes great effort - TEAMWORK - to keep relationships going. I don't want to get cliche, but there are three (3) basic things I believe that will keep relationships for the most part in a state of bliss:

1. Trust
2. Respect
3. Appreciation

These are key components of a successful relationship. Once you have all these, everything else will be as easy as cheese. Out of these comes great compromise, making sacrifices for the one you love. Note, I did not say that you need Love. A popular song by Patty Smyth said "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough". I couldn't agree with her more. If you even have all the love in the world, it takes more than that to keep a relationship going, happy and fulfilling.

If only we could see, understand and feel the meaning of real love. Unconditional, selfless, complete, "not puffy" as the bible says. But, rather - meek, gentle and kind.

Today is A Sucky Day!!!

I'm just feeling in a foul mood right now. No really good reason. No, I'm not PMSing or anything. Had a wonderful weekend as well, so I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I'm at work... that could possibly be it. Lately I have just not been feeling the same level of enthusiasm I used to feel about work. I still keep my standard up for sure but it just isn't the same. I'm doing it because I have to and not because I want to or enjoy it. I do enjoy my work but feel that it is time for me to move on to an area that can challenge me a bit more. Something more in my line of interest. I am just not sure if I'll get the opportunity to really explore my creative side in this organisation.

I always say that you must motivate yourself and I have been doing a lot of that lately. I feel so pressured at times and I just hate having to tell people what to do especially when they should already know. It pisses me off big time. It's like I have to think for them and basically do their work. Maybe I should demand 10% of their salary every month to compensate for all of their work that I do. I don't know.

Maybe this is a sign that I need a change again. Whether it means to get a new job or start going back to school again .... only time will tell.

Some cheering up please ..... I'm feeling for it today! Big Time!

A Little About Me :)

1.WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Nioka
2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? Black
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The Whirrr of the fan
4. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER? 7611
5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Chewy Granola Strawberry Yogurt
6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Plum
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? HOT!!!!
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Olney
9. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? Lips man .... those lips
10. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? I like her a lot!
11. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Easy Like Sunday Morning
12. FAVORITE DRINK? Tropicana Tropical Fruit Punch
13. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Rum Cream
14. FAVORITE SPORTS? Swimming
15. HAIR COLOR? Black
16. EYE COLOR? Brown
17. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Honey when I'm feeling realllly fun!!!
18. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES? No siblings :(
19. FAVORITE MONTH? May
20. FAVORITE FOOD? Chinese
21. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? I robot
22. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? May 14 (so cliche it ain't even funny)
23. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Nope
24. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS BETTER? Happy endings with all the tears and shit!!
25. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer.... winter? What winter??
26. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs, Kisses and a whole lot more!
27. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Relationships!
28. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate with Vanilla swirls
29. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO COMMENT? For sure
30. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Hhhhhmmmmm
31. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Everyone
32. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? Ok.
33. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Aaahhh ..... The Triads
34. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Durex Condoms
35. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Pictionary/Scrabble
36. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Slept
37. FAVORITE SMELLS? Vanilla scented candles
38. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? My baby ..... ain't that sweet!!!??

The "Calm" After The Storm

Well, for the most part we have made it through Hurricane Ivan, allbeit in several pieces. The island suffered much damage which I saw first hand this morning on my drive to work.

Now, during the Hurricane, the scum of the earth and scavengers of mankind sought to feed their own benefits. The looters had a ball. The residents of a place called Caribbean Terrace in Harbour View I gather, were forced out of their homes when the sea came and took away the entire structure - yes, concrete structures floated about like toy boats in a bathtub. After they were given evacuation notice, within hours there were news reports of looters, making off with the belongings of these people in a desperate situation. How Sad! Very Sad indeed! :( There were also reports of looting at major car dealerships in Kingston, furniture stores, pharmacies and supermarkets just to name a few. When will we get out of this mentality of taking advantage of an unfortunate situation? In the middle of disaster, there is war brewing down town, shooting and death - in aid of what? Only the Lord himself knows.

There are several families left homeless, most of us waterless, lightless and a few of us telephone-less. CWJ got lots of praises this time around as they were one of the first utilities to go down during Hurricane Gilbert in 1988.

All that can be heard of is loss - loss of life, loss of property, loss of revenue. 16 years after Hurricane Gilbert, there are persons who still have not yet recovered fully from its unslaught. What of them now that Ivan the Terrible has left its mark on Jamaica?

As we begin to pick up the pieces, it will take us a very long time to get back on our feet. One good thing is that water and electricity has already been restored to some areas and this is something to be commended. Although, I am not one of the fortunate few, it is still evidence that much preparation was put into this disaster. We learnt much from Gilbert.

Once again, we must give God thanks for keeping his guiding hand over our island home and keeping us save. It could have been a lot worse and we ask further for his guidance as we recover from this terrible travesty.

More time.

Ivan The Terrible

For those who have been following the Hurricanes this season will no doubt by now be aware that Hurricane Ivan is heading for Jamaica. Here is the link that shows the path of Hurricane Ivan:

http://www.weather.com/maps/news/atlstorm9/projectedpath_large.html

Now, anyone who was here during Hurricane Gilbert will remember the devastation, destruction and "destitution" that followed. By destitution, I mean - NO LIGHT, NO WATER, NO TELEPHONE! No light meant no ice, no ice cream, no ice-cold anything. At that time, a Cold Red Stripe Beer was a luxury which was had at a prime price of J$80 a bottle - almost twice the normal retail value!

Again, we are forced to prepare for the unslaught of this act of God, Force of Nature ... and of course, it is so commercial it ain't funny. All the supermarkets, wholesales, computer repairmen and anyone in the business of supplying disaster relief items, are right about now licking their fingers and watching the dollars flow and the sales increase. $$$$$ is all there are seeing before their eyes and hearing "ching ching" in their ears. It is no longer about caring for mankind, being your brother's keeper. It is all about what you can get out of a situation. Yeah, yeah, I'm all for businesses making a profit but not at the expense of people who do not have a choice. No doubt, the prices for the well needed items - batteries, candles, canned foods, etc., will increase by at least J$10 before today is out in preparation for the arrival of "Ivan the Terrible" on Friday.

When will the world stop being so commercial? Everything has now become all about how much money I can make, how much I can get out of people and how I can make myself better. Don't get me wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be better financially and to achieve a certain status. However, to what extent are people willing to sacrifice their soul and sanity do to this? It cannot be sweet victory knowing that you achieved well at the expense of someone else. No matter what, we should always try to do good to all around us. As is stated in my profile, All we need is love.

Disappointment

It is with great sadness that I write this blog. Is it that I have too much time on my hands or that I just think that everyone should have something to blog about???

I have been checking all the blogs I have in my favourites list - and nothing! Nothing I say! It is so sad :( ... I've been checking in vain, only to see the same thing I saw there last time I checked. What's happening with you guys? I miss reading! C'Mon .... please ... please .... blog for crying out loud!!! Damn!

Pissed, Pampered, Pooped!

I'm sure you must all be wondering what kind of a heck title is that for a blog! Well, that about sums up the last three (3) days for me.

Pissed
While on my way to work in Montego Bay on Thursday, an asshole was overtaking three (3) cars on a corner, coming headway for me. I swerved out of him and sent my scar into a 180 degree spin in the road, which left me facing in the opposite direction to where I was going. I was in a bit of shock at first at what had actually happened. Two (2) gentlemen came out of their car and asked me if I was ok, told me that there was no damage to my car and actually helped me to get back on the road. Just when I was thinking that there are good people in the world, I discovered much to my distress that they had made off with my bank-assigned cell phone! Yes! In the middle of my plight, they made off with the instrument, no doubt hoping to make a quick sale of about J$2,500.00. How despicable! So you can imagine how pissed I was.

So, I made my way to Montego Bay and then Negril to do my assigned task and did not finish each evening until 8:36 and 9:42 respectively!

Pampered
Then .... the long drive back! Everyone knows that I love to drive. It is almost therapeutic for me and even though there are so many assholes on the road, I still enjoy the experience of driving in Jamaica. Traveling out of town is an absolute pleasure for me, viewing the landscape, the greens and the lovely blues of the sea is just breathtaking! Jamaica is one beautiful island. I wonder why people opt to take honey moons in the states or even another caribbean island when the beauty of our island home by far surpasses any other Caribbean island I have ever been to ... and even moreso the USA.

Anyway, I came home to loving arms who were so happy to see me that it took all the unpleasantries from the days' events. I was indeed pampered.

Pooped!

After that, the fatigue of the 2 days finally set it. I've been sleeping much which is proof that I'm utterly POOPED!!!!

One thing for sure, there ain't no place like home, ain't no bed like your own bed (whether it is at home #1 or #2, and there's nothing better than the smile of someone who loves you especially when you really need it!

More time everyone!

Invigorating!!!

I started going back to the gym on Monday of this week. Having started in January which followed with one unfortunate event after another, I am just now, 7 months later able to go back to the gym! I was welcomed with open arms and I know it was not because of the monthly subscription I paid. A wonderful revelation was that although been away for so long, I had not gained a single pound! I actually lost inches in most areas but gained 1" in the worst area possible (this will remain nameless, you all can continue to guess).

However, these 2 days, I have already started to feel the difference. I have gone back to my nutrition plan and have been sticking to it so far. Yeah, 8 glasses of water a day (I'm only at 4 but getting there) and great discipline in abstaining from the "enemy foods" - I know I don't need to list those. What I realize about this whole gym thing is that going to the gym and working out is the least of my worries! The most challenging part about getting fit and staying in shape is maintaining the dietary aspect of life. It is so hard to resist the chocolate sundae, the apple pies, the whopper with cheese and all that good stuff that we just so love to eat. Once you have decided to eliminate these things from your diet, the rest is easy.

I know you'll all be rooting for me. It means a lot! Wish me luck!!!