World Cup Commandments

WORLD CUP FOOTBALL - LIST OF TV RULES

Dear Wife, Partner, Girlfriend,

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section
of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on
regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in
the conversations.

2. During that period, DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

3. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times,
without any exceptions. You will NOT touch the remote

4. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I
don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without
distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV,
make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a
cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you
during the World Cup month.

5. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I
require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of
your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer
the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the
floor....It won't happen.

6. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs
in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble
on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they
come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use
the TV between midnight and 6am, unless they replay a good game
that I missed during the day.

7. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my
teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or
"don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you
will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you
will never ever know more about football than me and your so called
"words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

8. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can
talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on,
and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please
note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a
nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

9. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I
have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

10. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child
related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just
as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about
saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the
channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be,
"Refer to Rule #3 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God
the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words,
because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League,
Spanish League, Portugese League, Dutch League, Premier League, FA Cup, etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.