The Raffle

After not having much to really share in the blogosphere these last few days, I had told myself I wouldn't post anything until I had something meaningful to share. Then I got this joke today and just know that the Mad Bull and Dr. D would thoroughly enjoy it ... so this one is for you guys!

A man from Kingston moved to the country and bought
a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer
agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
 
The next day, the farmer drove up and said,
"Sorry, but me have some bad news... "The donkey dead."

"Wha'?" "Well den, just gi me back mi money."

"Can't do that. Mi spen dat already."

"OK, then. Just leave the donkey with me."
  
"What you a go do wid him?"

"Me a go raffle dat."

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Yeah man, watch me. Mi just nah tell nobody seh 'im  dead."

A month later the farmer met up with the Kingston man and asked,

"What happen wid dat dead donkey?"

"Dat get raffle off boss. Mi sell 500 ticket fi $2 apiece and mek a profit
of $998."

"Suh nobaddy nuh cuss?"

"Ongle di man whey win. So me gi im back im $2"

Company Policy: Effective from January 2006

VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

Dress Code:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you
are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that
you can buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's notes as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Annual Leave Days:
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the
arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary,
the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a Strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's
mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company..
We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Regards
Management

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone??

Lots of "Cool" for CD

Well, this has been one of my best weeks ever and I'm loving every minute of it and staying focused on the positive side that it will continue. One thing for sure that has me smiling is the cold front that is now over Jamaica. The only problem is that the BF is all the way in Montego Bay working while I'm at home pining over him, missing him like crazy and wishing I was there or he was here . But, I'll have to make do with my teddy bear that he gave to me, my favourite comforter to keep me warm.

Oh ... and it's Friday too! Have a great weekend everyone.

What is the Key To My Heart?

Stolen from Peter. The last 2 paragraphs ... definitely not me at all.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Authorized Dealer

I don't recall if I had mentioned that my car (which used to be my father's) was parked and got him by an idiot trying to catch his cell phone to answer it before it fell off the dashboard. Car was taken in to the dealer on 12/10/05 and we didn't get it back until somewhere about the 19/12/05. Upon getting back the car, a few problems were identified and the car returned to them on the following week Monday for them to check and fix (at their expense of course after I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I would not be paying). I had noticed a problem with the car and mentioned it to them at that time and they said when I took the car in for them to fit a part they did not have in stock, they would check it out.

Ok, 16/1/06, take the car in to the dealer for them to fit the previously absent part, explain the problem, leave my car to be checked, agent promised to call me by 2:00 p.m. to let me know what is happening. 3:25 p.m. - no call. I call and speak to the service manager, he tells me a bunch of crap (which turned out to be a lie) and that he would call me back. I in turn call my service agent who told me the problems identified and that one of the part was over J$100,000 (approx US$1,500) along with 5 other problems.

The long and short of the story is that these new problems (except 1) was as a result of the accident on 12/10 which they had the car in their possession for 9 weeks and did not detect this problem, hence resulting in them now having to send off a supplementary estimate to the Insurance Company to cover these additional damages. The dealer ... the authorized dealer. I managed to get this done without telling them a few choice words and several fabrics aka claat!

So, my car is still with them although the car is "drivable", they asked me if I wanted it to drive now since they have to order the parts and it will take 2 weeks ... I told them no thank you lest they tell me when I bring it back in that I damaged something. They even offered us a car to drive which we declined since we still kept my old Civic.

That's dealers for you ... nothing special about them, only the cost.

More time.

I'm A Survivor

As you can see, I have not had a chance to post since I've gone back to work as predicted. I'm very pooped and glad that the weekend is here! I have a lot to write about, lots of crap happened this week which I will be sharing with you in the blogosphere.

This is just a quick note to let you know I'm still around, haven't forgotten you and have actually sneaked in a read or 2 on some of your blogs in those moments when I felt like I was going to break something at work. You helped me to survive.

Later dudes and dudettes.

It's All Over :-(

Well, it's back to work for CoolDestiny. After a much enjoyful, restful vacation, I must go back to doing my job. This will mean I won't have as much time on my hands as I did these last 4 weeks,
and as such, may not check your blogs till on the weekends. However, if I can manage to steal
some time at work to sneak in a blog fix :-), I most definitely will and also when I get home from work if I'm not totally pooped out.

You have all been great company though during my rest time and for that I say kudos to you!!

Peace Out.